[EVA] Evangelion: Exegis

[Red5]

Some people have been saying they would like some sort of prequel to
Evangelion that explains a little bit about what happened before the
Third Angel arrived. Others have bemoaned the lack of closure at the end
of the series. For those people, inspired by Archer's "Gen-chan"
comment, I present the following exegis (slightly condensed). I hope
people enjoy :)

[March 8, 1997 - Antarctica - X-Files: Fight the Future Set]

Chris Carter: Come on you guys, we've still gotta shoot the Mulder
rescues naked Scully scene, the Cigarette Man rides across the snow
scene and the Mulder and Scully having sex scene that we're going to
release as part of the special edition 10th anniversary DVD promotion.

Cameraman: Uh, Chris. There's some sort of hole here. I think it's a
cavern.

Chris Carter: Don't be ridiculous. Now let's get rolling, time is money
people!

[March 9, 1997 - Munich, Germany]

SEELE 1: Adam has been located.

SEELE 2: Just as the SDSS predicted. "And 'lo, a long running television
series shalt become a crap film and there shalt be found a white moon
when it is so."

SEELE 1: So it would seem. Alert the rest of the council.

[October 30, 1997 - Tokyo - SEELE Research Scientist Interview]

Applicant: Hi, I'm here about the job in Antarctica.

SEELE 1: Hello. We have a few questions we'd like to ask you.

SEELE 3: Number 1, what do you think of giant robots?

Applicant: I'm sorry....?

SEELE 3: Giant robots, you know. We want to build them.

SEELE 5: To save the world.

SEELE 3: That's right. Giant robots to save the world.

Applicant: I'm sorry. I think I must have done something wrong here. I
was applying for the job of the research scientist to the new United
Nations base on Antarctica.

SEELE 4: Yes, that's correct but we're asking you about giant robots.
What do you think?

Applicant: Um, you'll have to excuse me.

(Applicant leaves. Another applicant, a young woman enters.)

Yui Ikari: Did someone say giant robots?

[November 11, 1997 - Kyoto High - Computer Science Class A]

Teacher: Mr Ikari! For the last time! You must behave yourself.

Gendo: Yeah, yeah. I know all this stuff, anyway.

Teacher: Regardless of that fact, Mr Ikari, you will participate in this
class. Now please form a group and start working on the answer to
question 1. I want to see some sort of recursive algorithm or you won't
be leaving this classroom.

Gendo: (Sigh). Fine. Whatever you say, Ms. Akagi.

[April 1999 - Osaka City - Katsuragi Home]

Mrs Katsuragi: You're never home for one thing, you're always out and
now you want to move us all to Antarctica?!

Mr Katsuragi: No. Only I will be moving to Antartica. You and Misato
would stay here.

Mrs Katsuragi: This is ridiculous. I can't believe you're basically
abandoning your wife and daughter.

Mr Katsuragi: You want me to take you and Misato with me? What if
something happens? I've told you already... this involves giant robots!

Mrs Katsuragi: Oh, please. Don't be silly. What could possibly go wrong?

[September 13, 2001 - Antarctica - Geofront]

Technician: Oh, fu...

[September 18, 2001 - Madrid, Spain - Hotel]

SEELE 10: What are we going to do now?

SEELE 2: Will need only proceed as the scrolls tell us to.

SEELE 10: Jesus, Two. The world is destroying itself here and you want
to stick to that piece of paper. This is madness.

SEELE 1: Two is right. We must stick to the prophecy.

SEELE 13: Why?

SEELE 1: ....

SEELE 2: Er... well...

SEELE 1: ...

SEELE 2: ...

SEELE 1: Because.

SEELE 2: Yeah, because.

SEELE 13: That doesn't sound very convincing.

SEELE 2: (Aside to 1) Do we really need thirteen of us?

[May 23, 2004 - Tokyo-3 - Testing Facility]

Yui: Now I can finally make those mecha fantasies a reality.

Fuyutsuki: Yui, I never said anything before because it would have
ruined part of the plot of the show but I can't hold out any longer - I
love you very much. You're one of a kind to me. If you were lost in this
experiment... why, I don't know what I would do. Probably construct an
emotionally ambivalent and maladjusted clone of you that has the soul of
the giant being we found in here.

Yui: Hmmm...

Fuyutsuki: This has come out all wrong. Who are you kidding, the
boathouse was the time!

Yui: You're sweet, Professor. But I was born for this moment.

Fuyutsuki: Don't leave me!

Yui: Here, take this strand of my hair to remember me by!

Fuyutsuki: But it's blue?

Yui: I know. I dye it brown.

Fuyutsuki: (to himself) I never new...

[July 4, 2008 - Tokyo-3]

(Two technicians are working on an enormous bio-mechanical robot.)

NERV Technician: You know I bet this thing would look a whole lot cooler
if it were painted purple.

[August 10, 2008 - Tokyo-3 - Freeway]

(Gendo is driving to work he is cut off by another motorist.)

Gendo: Hey! You son-of-a.... You just wait. Number plate zero-seven-six,
a-b-f. I'm going to find where you live and then you're going to be
sorry. No one cuts off Gendo Ikari! Nobody!

[August 10, 2008 - Tokyo-3 - Takahashi Residence]

(Unit-01 is leaping up and down on the Takahashi household.)

[August 10, 2008 - Tokyo-3 - Geofront]

Fuyutsuki: Really, Ikari... are you sure this is where the second angel
is?

[February 14, 2009 - Tokyo-3 - Geofront]

Shinji: Hey Dad! Buy me a toy! Buy me a toy, Daddy! Buy me a toy!

Gendo: Sure. Just wait here. I'll be right back.

[January 2, 2010 - Tokyo-3 - Magi Control Room]

Naoko: Oh, damn. I've killed the little brat.

(Gehirn security rushes into the room to see Naoko holding the throat of
Rei.)

Security: Freeze!

Naoko: Oh no! The cops!

Security: Hands up! You're coming with us Doctor Akagi!

Naoko: Never! You'll never take me alive coppers! AHHHHHH! *splat*

[August 2012 - Osaka City]

(A woman is getting dressed and leaving a bedroom while a man is in
bed.)

Misato: I can't do this. I'm sorry Kaji.

Kaji: Misato, please, don't leave. Run away with me. Run away with the
pizza delivery boy.

Misato: ... No. I mustn't run away. I'm sorry. There's... there's
someone else.

Kaji: You're not saying...

Misato: Yes. I've been ordering pizza from another restaurant.

Kaji: Was it...?

Misato: Dominoes.

Kaji: ...

Misato: Kaji, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you...

Kaji: You must go.

Misato: I'm sorry.

Kaji: Just leave. I must be alone so I can cry like a sissy girl.

Misato: I understand.

[April 1, 2015 - Tokyo-3]

Gendo: How should I phrase this? "Dear Son, Sorry about not having seen
you for last 6 years. Please come. Love Dad. PS. Fate of the world
depends on you."

Fuyutsuki: I still think "Help! I've been captured by terrorists! They
said they would only let me go if you came!" worked.

Gendo: I don't know... - Damn this is hard! Look, I'll just write
something to his teacher.

Fuyutsuki: Terrorists, terrorists, terrorists...

*                    *                    *                    *

There :)

I hope that clears things up for some people.

Red.